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04:28pm 05/09/2008
  I'm in one of those moods, where I am not really mad, but if anyone said the right combination, I might tell them what I really think.  
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06:01pm 27/08/2008
  If making bulletin boards are ministry than I've got that down. getting the Newman ready for the fall. was late to work because I couldn't sleep last night. so many things are going on in my head. Marriage and work basically. I haven't written anything anywhere in so long. I miss this. I had an idea for a novel, one I think that I could actually write. Y'know, create characters and all that. I'm tired.  
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05:01pm 11/10/2006
mood: ecstatic
i was stressing out so bad! ten thousand things to do plus a movie (and i think most of you know about me and my movies, ahhh) and the stuff kept piling up... so i tried to prepared, asked God to help me through this, and tried to plan in which i found out about more stuff, "why didst thou promise such a beauteous day and make me travel forth without my cloak to let base clouds o'ertake me in my way, hiding thy bravery in thy rotten smoke..." but then---
"Hey, Dan, the 22nd can you handle dinner, so that i can finish up my movie (due the next day)." (startled, scared look on Dan's face)
"Cook dinner? Can I do it?" (May God bless Andrea)
"the day after the 23rd (due date of the film) I'll take a break, not do anything... but oh, yeah, i've signed up to do Habitat, a good and noble thing that i can't skip out on."
and then by the grace of GOD...
"Hey, this is megan, let's cancel the Habitat since we didn't really get anyone to go with us and we'll try to set this up again another time."
"Awesome, now i just have to worry about this Bible study..."
"Hey, this is Jeremy, looks like the girls in your Bible Study all have things they have to do, so do you mind canceling it this week?"
(Happiness beams from my face)

God has relieved my burdens and taken them from my back-- now let's see if i can be worthy of this precious gift of time and make a movie fit for Him!
What do you get when you cross an imp with Frank Sinatra?   
11:18pm 28/07/2006
  The answer is Sammy.

This day was spent with Sammy, who as a two year old when asked by our uncle steve if he wanted to catch the ball-- Sammy gave Uncle a condescending look, put his hands in his pockets, turned on his heel, and walked away.

The condescending look is still there, along with sarcastic comments, now that he is the ripe old age of seven. I try not to laugh when he asks "Can you say anything else besides 'mmmm-hmmm" or "You're weird, I'm outta here, bye." His wit has grown, what used to be "I hate you, I'm going to kill you." is now some more subtly implied beating scenario. Of course I can't remember everything he said today, though I wish I could.

What are we going to do with this kid? His baby brother, 2 now and my Godson, has to have the Rosary and Pieta prayer book ripped from his hands, gives kisses to pictures of Jesus and Mary, and is coincidentally named John-Paul. (So adorable, really Irish and Lebanese should mix more often.) There really is no one like Sammy (or John-Paul). I love them so much.
03:57pm 20/03/2006
  pffft! now on myspace, after spending a day on it, i prefer lj.  
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11:23pm 17/03/2006
mood: curious
I might be the only only child EVER to be her brother's wedding.
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08:57pm 08/03/2006
  This little quiz I took when searching through Leeska's latest entries reminded me of this little ditty that happened when I was on the March for Life.

English major named Brick: What are you reading?
Me: Little Dorrit, Dickens.
English major named Brick: I don't like Dickens.
(I flash an evil look)
Other extremely perceptive guy: That's the "I should have been an English major" look.

You scored as English. You should be an English major! Your passion lies in writing and expressing yourself creatively, and you hate it when you are inhibited from doing so. Pursue that interest of yours!






























What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com
08:48pm 08/03/2006
  ok, not a year... 33 weeks  
08:41pm 08/03/2006
mood: See Above
It's been a year.

Just all of a sudden felt like posting the fact that I'm insane.

Of course, that's when I'm happiest.... I've got that crazy can't stop smiling feeling, and I don't think it's Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking, though I love Julia Child, Art, the French (pre-Revolution) and Cooking. Now they've gone to their "pledging" commercial, and I'm not smiling... so maybe it was Julia. But I can bring it back again so I don't think it is.

Like I said, I just felt like posting my insanity after a year of absence. But that's what I do, y'know... dis-a-p---..
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It's all over!   
05:32pm 17/07/2005
  Monica had her surgery to explore on Thursday. Friday, My mom and I went to visit her with books, magazines in hand, brought Mandy (who was also visiting) home with us for the night. At 11pm, the rainbow connection begins to play on my phone. I answer. Monica says the doctor just came in with the final report and she's clean. Cancer all gone with no forwarding address. She began to cry lovingly thanking me and telling me she loved me. The doctor said, "this chapter of your life is closed." It's done; I hardly said anything, I was crying too. We hung up, I told my mom, we hugged and cried, she went into tell Mandy, who was on the phone with her mom (amazing how quickly things pass through our big family). My mom comes from the room with tears streaming down her face, "Did Mon go potty yet?", moving on to other concerns. Sorry, Mon and I hadn't gotten to that conversation.

Mandy and I jumped into the car, went to CVS, got her a ball, curly ribbon, and a coloring book. "Anything else, Mandy?" "Crayons." She comes in handy, that Mandy. We went to the hospital and stayed til near one. One cannot be alone to celebrate with news like that.

Yesterday, Mandy's family came down (4) and went to the hospital where most of Mon's family was there (4) with Dan (Maria's boyfriend) there to replace Maria (1), and then I showed up (1)... (10) it was a little crowded, but its what we do... cram a bunch of people into small spaces. Everyone eventually left, but I stayed. We both crawled into the hospital bed and watched tv, surfed the 'net, and met with funny looks from the dinner servers and takers-away... the server happens to be someone most of the people reading this went to H.S. with, but I cannot remember his name for I don't believe I ever talked to him. He was an art guy, probably in NAHS, and was in my computer graphics class. Was his name Andy? He seemed recognize me, by the taken abackness of his reaction (it was before the crawling into bed). Similar note, I recently discovered Drama Andrew works at Borders.

So, yeah.
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No, I did not fall off the planet   
11:40pm 08/06/2005
  I have not written in this in awhile. I'm in the middle of making movies for my cousins graduating and that takes all of my time... except for lunch, which I had with Monica, who is doing very well. Her hair is growing in nicely; it's barely there really... but its barely there rather nicely... she doesn't want me to shave my head... ah, cousins... something about feeling bad, as if everything is about her... yes, actually it is... she is addicted to that ballroom dancing show currently, and she lent me cds for Kris and Renee's videos... she's all done with chemo, exploratory surgery in July... Everyone has calmed down, and the situation is mostly a set-up for jokes and funny stories, such as "remember that time it was like Monica was wasted," or "remember the time Monica was stoned", or "remember when Monica got everything she asked for, so Abbey asked her to ask for THE illusive dog each of the four girls had desired since each could form the desire for one"... they have a dog now, they are all alergic, but whatever, the 9 wk old is already spoiled... 3lbs. maltese-toy poodle... looks like a little lamb... this thing is so cute, I may post a picture as soon as i figuire out my picture phone contraption.

Thanks for everyone's prayers by the way, and kind thoughts. It has been felt by my whole family.
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07:50pm 08/03/2005
  Anyone who prays, please. My cousin has cancer. and even now my hands are shaking. Monica. She had an ovarian cist, dermeroid, anyway it was giant 6lbs. they said it was fine, only has a 99% or very low rate of cancer. and now they say that with this its a low rate of fatality, 99% or so. but those odds didn't really work in our favor last time they were given. I just found out, my mom isn't home from work yet... and every few minutes or so i keep crying.. for the last couple of weeks I've kept from it, except the first day but I had a disappointment and hadn't eaten and drank a lot caffeine and other circumstances... then it was just the chance of cancer so i didn't think about it, real scarlett o'hara like. but the term cousin doesn't identify half of what monica means. looking around me its evident, i keep noticing more and more: the lamp she made me that one Christmas with a picture of us when i'm about one and she two, aunt pat's seventieth birthday party, my nineteenth, the professional one she had mandy, kris, her and i take together, the gift certificate she gave me for my birthday still pinned to my corkboard, even if i happen to look into a mirror, there's the scar from she accidently scratched when I was a couple weeks old. I feel so weak and helpless, i can hardly pick up my fingers to type, but I have to. Please, pray, please. She's my best friend and big sister and my complete opposite, i was always jealous of her and her other friends... but i got to hold her baby sister in the hospital before she did so its ok. Abbey must be so scared, and ria and rach... i just wrote a short story about all this a couple days ago. She is such the mother and everyone flocks to her. if this were Gone with the wind she would be Melanie. St. Monica is the patron saint of mothers and she has always reflected that. she's not a saint, she gets crabby. but I just picked her up from school yesterday, and i felt so incompetent.. it was the first day of class and she looked in such pain and tired from sitting and there was nothing I could do to help her. If i tried to go over there or call, i'd just be a bother... better to get myself togetherso that i can be there for her. i feel like everyone is so selfish in regards to monica, i know iam, that sense that she can't leave us, she has to be ok because it worries us as if we all had a share of her, and its unlike --- she's the only one that everyone collectively feels selfish with. and she's always worried about everyone else, the perfect hostess, wants no one to be bored. aunt marie just happen to call annette, and then she called us. if jill knows she's over right now, i love jill and i know she cares for monica but she's so needy and monica needs to soak this in right now. i want to run to her and smother her and do whatever i can for her but my incompetency won't help. my heart has never broken before, but with this it just might. nothing can happen to her. i feel so selfish. the thought that my whole future would completely change if anything happened. iwas never one to sit and design my future wedding, it was monica who made me go online and design an engagement ring and she wants an orchestra and knows songs she wants and everything but the groom, but the only thing i've ever been sure if i get married is that Monica would be right there next to me, maid-of-honor with Lisa, and then Mandy and Kris and the others, and Mandy would probably be hurt that it wasn't her, but that it wouldn't be Monica is no question, and that these strange half-thoughts, half-memories, half-casual acknowledgements are coming to me now. Monica is going to be alright. she has to be. too many lives would crash without her. what must be going through her immediate families minds right now is going through mine and its horrific, i just thought of what aunt annette's thinking and its taking the wind from me, i have no taste but i think i need to eat. mom gets off in ten minutes. if my chest contracts anymore i won't be able to breath, though the tears have stoppped. i'm shaking more and more. i'll burst out again when mother comes home, so that i probably won't be able to tell her and she'll cry too. the thought of monica not having children made her immediately sob, she just called and was distractedand had to hang up, she'll call back, should i tell her over the phone or wait until she's safely at home--- less distractions for the road, or will she read it in my voice the only person who can read me better than monica is my mom because mon reads me from habit while my mom reads me from insiders knowledge. i'm afraid, i'm so scared, i've been afraid of so many things in my life, but not like this.  
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Creating a movie empire   
03:19pm 04/02/2005
mood: business-like
I am going to create a movie empire, whose with me?

no seriously. If you say yes, I will remember and then you will receive a call someday. Betz will make us waffles and display her artwork, Rose and Caitie will be movie-stars, Jessica will design posters and other advertising, Kellie will do something with music and possibly law (I also will need a costume designer? interested?), Lisa will be my wing-man, vice-president, vice-president specifically in charge of the managers of tri-pods, zoo-keeper, and odd-job conductor, Charles has recently been added as writer though this is his notification, Kellie can write too, and Betz, Jess and Lisa can draw, and I think we've got it. I will invite Maria to sing, everyone to act and I will be in charge of the whole ordeal. Everything thinks I'm joking, but hey, how many times have I written an episode like this. I made business cards in third grade. This will happen, and this is YOUR chance. So, let me know if we need to add YOU to our team or if you would like to change, modify, remove your position (removal not really an option).
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beauty in the breakdown   
03:07pm 04/01/2005
mood: what's that?
This is my thesis on insanity, but being such I will not talk about the subject directly but instead from here on in (and previously) will generally show you how its practiced.

PerfidiousAnny: won't it be marvelous?
KoolGuy442: It will.

too much. too much. i want to go to the movies. i want to make movies. Monica keeps annoying me. This is deep-seated, languishing kind that pops up from either insecurity or her impatience or impracticality... a;lksdjfsl;dkj

going off without you.... writing your tragedy..... let go, so let go, jump in, well, what you waiting for... beauty in the breakdown... I want to go to the movies. or to create my own world that would allow me to take a break from this one temporarily, stopping time til i figuire out waht to do.
No one tosses a dwarf.   
07:16pm 31/12/2004
mood: flustered and nauseas
Flustered and nauseaus for seemingly no apparent reason, I ventured on to the internet in spite of my not wanting to in order that I may erase the mountain of junk-mail that I was sure to have collected in my neglect of all things technological. Spent last few days with cousins, except for today and yesterday which were spent with Frodo, Sam, Pip, Merry and the gang in their third motion picture appearance (two days you ask? 2 watchings and a commentary with breaking for dancing and the addition of sleep will take that amount of time). Mandy moved to Ann Arbor, I don't want to get a job but have decided to work on projects that bring in no cash, and I have a stack of Jane Austen to be transferred into the possession of Kellie but have serious wonderings about my state at the moment so as to inhibit my going to Kellie's. However, Jessica is driving my thoughts and motivations, so an appearance may not be unlikely if I can get my stomach to stop fluttering. I will eat something, which has been my solution to all problems of the day. Insanity may simply be my calling. If I could get someone to buy children's books I have ideas about writing, I could do that, but what if they don't? I'm tired and I can't even be happy in creating films based on the two cousins graduating soon. There is no excitement in it, and no creative ideas coming. It feels like an obligation at the moment, but I know I want to. I have to work on it now, so that I'm not flustered when I finally get the feeling. I feel somewhat numb. what was to be a short entry is now turning into a psychological reflection. I just don't know where I am at. I think I am just tired.
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08:51pm 14/12/2004
  Woo-hoo, so this works at school, but not on my computer. I can't get into Microsoft Word, lj.com, yahoo.com, and i'm not receiving e-mail from teachers. But its my birthday so all has to be good. I wrote on my final right when I turned twenty-two at 7:57 p.m. Good times.

Saturday? Going to a bar with Monica and people. You come too?
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The Day So Far   
02:12pm 02/12/2004
mood: a wee bit tired
Multicultural Children's Literature.
Marian Anderson.
Diet Cherry Coke.
Smelly Hair.
William of Ockham.
Pumpkin Bread.
6 ae-em.
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New Picture   
02:38pm 18/11/2004
  I had to show off my new picture I just uploaded... This was my twentieth birthday (?) in a Canadian photobooth... we took two strips and it was so hard to pick one. Ah, me. I may be avoiding work.  
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Sexlessness and new aol names   
02:24pm 18/11/2004
  People talk with a quite astonishing gravity about the inequality or equality of the sexes, as if there could possibly be any inequality between a lock and a key... A woman is only inferior to a man in the matter of being not so manly; she is inferior in nothing else. Man is inferior to woman in so far as he is not a woman; there is no other reason. And the same applies to all genuine differences. It is a great mistake to suppose that love unites and unifies men. Love diversifies them, because love is directed towards individuality.
--G.K. Chesterton, "Charles Dickens", 1906

My New AOL IM Name is : PerfidiousAnny

I'm waking up from my self-imposed exile or avoiding schoolwork. You may choose whichever one you like.
I'm not dead.   
03:12pm 12/11/2004
  I have not written or read this in quite some time. It was really kind of like a self-imposed de-looping, I am even currently off IM. But I thought it was time to say, "hi." And this may have to do with the current wish to avoid the presidential debate paper I must write. I was doing this very well escaping into Narnia, the March home and Green Gables for children's literature, but my review for these are not due for weeks and the paper is due before tomorrow morning. Without a word written I am torn between the mindset of neccessity and an obstinate will opposed to politics of a modern nature. St. Aquinas, St. Augustine, John of Salsbury these seem much more conducive.... phone keeps ringing.